Portrait chinois du malfat
Date: 06 February 2012
An unusual interview to mark Sacrifice’s inclusion in the final shortlist for the prestigious French detective prize: Le Prix SNCF du Polar 2009.
If you had to be a famous criminal, who would it be and why?
SJB: Guy Fawkes, whose crime had everything: audacity, passion, intricate plotting and explosions. Of course it also had bitter betrayal and a gory death; but how fabulous to be remembered forever with fireworks!
If you were a crime, what would it be?
SJB: A very complex one, probably, the only sort I seem able to write about. Maybe the theft of a precious holy relic from the heart of Vatican City. Or jewels from the Queen's bedroom.
If you had accomplices, who would be best?
SJB: My dog. She's fast, reliable and she'd never squeal. She's also a highly accomplished thief: only of human food, I admit, but I'm encouraging her to think big.
If you were a criminal organization, what kind of organization, (yakuza, Italian mafia)?
SJB: One that's family based. Ultimately it's only family that you can really trust. And if it all goes wrong I imagine there would be few things more satisfying than bumping off your nearest and dearest.
If you were the weapon of a crime?
SJB: I'd be poison. Specifically, Lily of the Valley water. It's quite deadly, no one would think to try and trace it and, by coincidence, the flowers grow in great profusion in my back garden.
If you were the place of a crime?
SJB: An elegant French restaurant, on the smart bank of a City river. The crime would take place after sunset to make the most of the view but, for the sake of my waistline, before desert.
If you were the time of the murder?
SJB: I've always been intrigued by the notion of midnight plus one minute as a time for an important rendezvous, or a particularly nefarious crime. I also find twilight and early morning rather mysterious times of day. In the UK, we believe our supernatural neighbours are more likely to be seen at such times. In reality, though, my husband insists I'm neither a late nor an early bird, but have a brief window of activity in the middle of the day. So, probably, just after lunch would be good for me.
If you asked for a ransom, what kind of ransom would it be (money, car, helicopter)?
SJB: Diamonds. Untraceable, high value and one of the most beautiful things on earth. Definitely this girl's best friend.
If you were stopped by the police, how?
SJB: I like to get high-tech occasionally, so how about when my biometric passport fails to match my eye scan at JFK. No doubt because I'd substituted my passport photograph for one of a younger, prettier woman.
If you were the last meal of the convicted prisoner?
SJB: Something scrumptious, highly shareable and heavily laced with Lily of the Valley water. Right, that's the prison guards taken care of.
If you find a way to escape or flee, what was it?
SJB: I quite fancy the idea of a high speed
boat on a river like the Thames or the Seine. Or maybe a fast horse
across open country at night.
If you had to get away in a country / continent?
SJB: The Shetland Islands. I've already done it once, in Sacrifice, and have the route all planned out.
If you were the original soundtrack of your rush about?
SJB: Meatloaf: Bat out of Hell.
If you were a hide-out?
SJB: A Scottish or Shetland castle: romantic, isolated, some very good food, and with a strong tradition of harbouring eccentric English people.
If you had only one book in this hide-out?
SJB: Charlotte Bronte's Jane Eyre, the finest thriller ever written. I mean, what is going on in that spooky old house? Who is stalking the corridors at night? What dark secret is tormenting the brooding hero? And where is all the blood coming from? And, on top of all that, it's so beautifully written. In Bronte's day, nobody had to worry about the distinction between literary fiction and the bloody good read because Charlotte (and her sisters) had both down to a tee.
Can you tell us few word about your selection for the final of The SNCF's polar Price?
SJB: I'm hugely flattered, and deeply grateful to my publishers, the marvellous Fleuve Noir, who have worked so hard, and so innovatively, to promote my books in France.
Are you happy?
SJB: Of course. Who wouldn't be?