First written: June 11, 2009
Editors eh! They always want to cut your best bits. The first
draft of Sacrifice had a particularly steamy sex scene that my
English editor thought "too strong" and instructed me to cut.
I sulked at the time, but in retrospect, I admit, I'm heartily
grateful.
The one remaining intimate scene, mild as a milkmaid in
comparison, still had tongues wagging, eye-lids winking and elbows
nudging in the part of rural Buckinghamshire where I live. For
weeks after Sacrifice was published I couldn't go to a dinner party
without someone giving me a knowing look and muttering, 'window
ledge, eh!' 'Just the right height, is it?' I couldn't enter
a room without feeling like every person in it had an intimate
knowledge of my sexual habits and preferences.
Funny thing this, no one ever imagines a crime writer has
actually committed their on-page violence in real life. Not a
single person has ever said to me, 'So, Sharon, have you actually
taken a blunt instrument, forced it through a woman's rib cage and
then used a surgical scalpel to remove her still-beating heart; and
was there much blood?' Somehow, though, they always imagine the
kinkiest, most adventurous sex is based on personal experience.
Now, let's just think about this for a moment. I'm a middle
class English mum, with a home, a child, a job, a dog and a pile of
ironing that continually and magically replenishes itself.
Seriously - how likely is it?
What were we talking about? Editors cutting scenes. My UK
editor, (nicest girl in the world until she picks up her red pen)
has just made me cut my favourite scene from my third book. True,
it was a bit gory. Yes, it featured a young girl wearing a
decapitated pig's head over her own like a carnival mask. But it
was all very tastefully done, you understand. C'est la vie! It's
gone and the world will never know how great it could have
been.
And then there was the dead badger story in
Awakening. My agent didn't like it. I ignored her. My English
editor suggested it be cut. I pretended I hadn't heard. My US
editor got on the case and at that point I gave in. Red pens on
both sides of the Atlantic defeat me every time. But you know what,
I still think it would have worked, providing a welcome note of
levity in what shapes up to be a very dark novel. Anyway, judge for
yourself. Here is the badger tale the world will never
read.
By noon, Jim had started to cheer up. He even went so
far as telling me, for what was probably the tenth time, his
favourite badger story. A good friend of his - an amateur
taxidermist (I know, you didn't think such people existed but,
believe me, in the south-west of England, they do) was driving down
a country lane one night when he hit a badger. He stopped, examined
the beast, concluded by its complete lack of movement and any sign
of vitals that it was dead and decided to make use of the carcass.
He loaded it into the back of his car and set off for home feeling
mightily pleased with himself. As he was driving through Honiton,
he heard snuffling, grunting noises coming from behind him. The
badger, not dead at all, had woken up with a sore head and a bad
attitude. Now, the car was a hatchback - no barrier at all between
the driver and the increasingly irate badger. So, what would you
do, says Jim at this point, you're in the middle of a large town,
not a mile from the police station, on a light summer evening when
just about half of Devon is out to take the air and you're trapped
in a car with fifteen kilograms of pissed-off
badger.
What Jim's friend did, according to Jim, is get out of
and lock his car, beat a hasty retreat from the scene and then
report it stolen. The car was found - very soon of course, I
imagine it would have attracted quite a large crowd by this time -
the badger captured and released back into the wild. Devon police
are still trying to solve the puzzle of how a 1.8litre, Ford Mondeo
could be stolen by a badger.
I'm sorry, I still think this if funny. Especially as it's 95%
true. Someone I used to know really did put a dead badger in the
back of his car, only to discover some very real consequences of
resurrection.